I think I’ll remember my own LIFE

I have this policy during training that I don’t like to know what is coming up ahead.  So…after “creating” my training plan…I promptly forgot what it entailed and only checked that week to see what I needed to run.  That changed today when I looked at my week this morning and kind of wanted to cry.  Then…I checked the future weeks to see if I had similar weeks to look forward to for the rest of my training…and it gets worse!  Argh. 

Lately I’ve been spoiled by “easy” 2-3 mile training runs other than the one long run per week.  (Ok…I complain a lot…but they’re doable and I don’t usually feel like dying during them).  Well…apparently…no more of those.  This week I will be running a 3.5 mile run and a 4 mile run…plus a 7 mile run as my “distance” run.  Then…the following weeks are all 4-5 mile training runs and the distance run increases by a mile every week.  Um…this sucks.  Seriously…I’m so not ready for this stupid race and I think I’m slightly insane if I really think I can do it.

Speaking of insanity…I looked up a training schedule for the Richmond Marathon.  Yes that’s right.  I’m complaining about a freaking FOUR MILE training run…yet I think I can handle 26.2 miles in November.  I’m trying to decide if maybe I should sign up for the half marathon race in November and run the full marathon next November.  I think I’ll decide after running the half in August. 

I would also like to state for the record that I woke up on Saturday morning to go running.  It was already freaking HOT by 7:30 but that’s besides the point.  I drove to my planned route and ran a mile.  It was AWFUL.  I was so unmotivated and just DID NOT want to do it…so I got in my car and started to drive back home.  As I’m driving home I got mad at myself for quitting after a mile so I drove to ANOTHER route that I use and forced myself to run another 3 miles.  Then…I got hungry (I skipped breakfast before running) and STILL wasn’t into the run and was miserable so I really went home.  But…at least 4 miles is better than 1 mile…and 1 mile is better than none…right?  Also…I woke up at 7 on a freaking Saturday morning TO GO RUNNING.  If that’s not dedication I don’t know what is. 

I was insanely lazy for the rest of the weekend.  Seriously.  After showering when I got home Saturday morning…I went back to sleep for another two hours.  Then R and I went to get some lunch.  Then we went back to the apt and slept some more.  Then we watched TV and I read a book and watched Point Break (haha such a good terrible movie).  Then we finally went out to BJ’s (a bar/dance club…not the warehouse store).  Then we came home and went to sleep again.  I slept until 9 on Sunday (thank you Oscar!) and then proceeded to be lazy that day as well.  Although I did build a bookshelf.  And it looks nice.  I think I want a second one so it looks symmetrical (I also need to buy more “containers” to display on the second shelf).  But the one looks good for now.  And…I was able to fit most of my yarn on the shelves…so I’m happy.   

I also started a different pair of socks.  I’m so sick of the ones for J…the yarn is just too warm to work with right now and the pattern is starting to drive me nuts.  I needed a break.  I love the ones I’m making now and I hope they fit the person they are intended for.  I think they’re so pretty!  And…even better…the pattern is easy yet has enough quirks in it to keep it from being boring.  At least for now…

So the first recipient for the sock plan received:

These socks had a cooler color pattern than you can tell in the picture (and look…I’m not the only one with pale legs :-P).  They are also made out of bamboo which I think is super cool.  Bamboo yarn is fun b/c it’s a “slippery” yarn that actually is really good for summer garments b/c it keeps you cool.  I think it also has “wicking” properties…but not positive.  (I kind of wanted to keep them for myself haha)

I actually really enjoyed this pattern and the yarn was fun to work with.  I may have to buy more of it and make other pairs of socks just like it

When I was a kid I was really weird.  I did A LOT of really stupid and really fucking weird things.  One of my favorite memories is my run in with Vaseline.  I was about 2 or 3 so I don’t remember the whole story, just bits and pieces of it (along with what my parents and sisters have filled me in on).  Anyways, I was sitting on my parent’s bed at our old house watching TV.  I think my dad and sisters were in the room with me.  My mom kept this tub of vaseline in the room and I was fascinated with it.  I thought it was the COOLEST stuff ever.  So I remember very quietly getting out the tub and playing with it while everyone else was distracted. 

However, my idea of “playing” with the tub of vaseline consisted of RUBBING IT ALL OVER MY ENTIRE BODY.  Including in my hair.  I remember thinking it felt so cool and squishy in my hands and it was so much fun to take big scoopfuls of it and just rub it all over.  I think I used almost the entire tub.  I basically looked like a big pile of grease.  It took about a week for my mom to finally get the stuff out of my hair and off my skin.  I would like to state in my defense…I probably had the SOFTEST skin EVER after that debacle, so at least SOMETHING good had to come from it right? 

Fast forward approximately 23 years…and apparently I still have a fascination with vaseline.  I went to Family Dollar yesterday (LOVE that store) and bought some vaseline and a super cheap sports watch ($3) to use for my run yesterday.  The cuts from my last long run are finally almost healed and I really didn’t want to get new ones (and since it was insanely hot I knew I would be super sweaty).  So…I had to smear the vaseline all over myself again where the bra straps and band was to avoid the chafing. 

I have to say…I’m not really sure why I thought it was such a fun thing to do when I was younger.  It just felt kind of gross and slimy yesterday. 

So…I head out on my 6 mile run (the temperature was over 100 according to the thermometer outside)…and failed MISERABLY.  I actually felt like I was going to pass out after mile 3 (even with my constant drinking and rests) so I had to stop.  The only positive thing about the run yesterday was my timing for the 3 miles wasn’t awful (considering I stopped for walking breaks A LOT in an effort to keep from getting overheated).  So…I can at least tell I’m getting faster if not better at running haha. 

People were also very social yesterday.  I usually get some waves from the truck drivers on that road…but that’s about it.  However, yesterday, all the people that were leaving work were waving to me and the one guy honked and gave me a thumbs up sign.  So…I can’t tell if I just looked THAT terrible that they were trying to motivate me and make me feel better.  Or if they just thought I was insane for attempting to run in that weather and were just showing their respects in case I died from heat exhaustion :-P  Or maybe a mixture of both. 

I have also never felt SO DISGUSTING after running as I did yesterday.  I was so sweaty and gross.  And seriously…the vaseline just made me feel SLIMY.  It was so gross…I can’t tell if the lack of chafing is worth the disgustingness I feel after the run.  I’m going to give it a few more tries before deciding.  I’m also thinking of giving body glide a try.  It’s supposedly more like deoderant and A LOT less slimy (although much more expensive). 

So…since I failed yesterday, I now must wake up god awful early on Saturday and attempt to run the 6 miles before it gets super hot out.  Ugh.  Who wants to take bets I won’t actually wake up? 

So…I’m starting to get sick of the whole Simpson’s quotes as post titles themes…but now…it’s almost like a challenge to figure out a new quote to use.  So…as much as I don’t want to have to keep finding new quotes…I start to feel antsy when I try and NOT use one.  Why am I so weird? 

Also…today is my 6 mile run day.  Boo running!  It’s also supposed to be the first time in over a week that it is freaking 99 degrees!!!  With a lovely ozone warning in effect.  And insanely humid.   And there is a thunderstorm warning for late this afternoon.  Probably right around the time I need to go running.  Or…midway through the run when there is nowhere for me to go.  Sigh.  I hate summer.  :-P 

I’m also trying to find some other races I would like to enter.  I found the best one EVER!  If it was ANY closer (as in I could drive not fly) I would totally BE THERE!  I’ve always wanted a monkey…I guess a gorilla suit would do almost as well…and…it’s probably A LOT cleaner (although maybe not so much AFTER the run…)!  But seriously…how much fun does that look like?  (Am I the only one that thinks it looks like fun??)

I’m getting sick of working on J’s socks.  I am thinking of starting a seperate pair for someone else.  I have the yarn picked out and everything.  The only problem is I really want to use the needles I’m currently using for J’s socks.  So…trying to decide which is more important to me.  J’s socks or starting something new.  :-)  I need more needles for socks.  I think that’s the only solution. (Hint hint for my birthday!)

I’m getting nervous about the stuff in the mail yesterday.  What if they hate it?  What if they have problems?  Seriously…I have to stop giving away stuff.  It just makes me a nervous wreck! 

And just for laughs at the end of this lame post…I was so busy talking to my boss…I walked into the wall by his office.  AGAIN.  He just laughed at me and said he needs to put some bumpers on the wall around his office to protect me.  Sigh.  I am such an ass. 

Ok…so…two people will be receiving their sock plan planned item.  However, I’m freaking retarded and forgot to take the pictures before sending them.  So…if you receive something from me sometime in the next week or so…can you please take a picture of it and send it to me? 

Also…if for some reason your sock plan planned item doesn’t work out…please let me know so I can fix it! 

K? Thanks!

So…in my head I have this mantra I repeat as I run.  I keep telling myself “slow and steady”.  I guess I just always bought into the whole Tortoise and the Hare story.  Well…after reading this…I’m beginning to think maybe I need to change my motto.  Maybe I should just find me some henchmen and start taking out knees in order to win. 

Especially after last night’s run.  My “easy” 2.5 miles turned into a ridiculously difficult 2.8 miles.  (I still REALLY want to just round that up to count as my 3 mile run for this week :-P).  Seriously, about half a mile in, my calves started cramping like a mofo.  I have NO idea what the hell was wrong with them.  I would stop running to stretch and try to walk it out…and they would feel better.  But this happened almost every half mile.  WTF?  So…while ACTUALLY running, I think I was averaging about a 10 min mile (not positive since I don’t have a cool Garmin…)…but it took me 40 minutes to run 2.8 miles.  Seriously?  That’s slow even for ME!  ARGH.  Even worse…my legs are super sore today.  Stupid 2.5 mile run. 

However, I did watch lots of TV last night when I FINALLY got home.  Ok…seriously.  Not having TV was so much better for me.  I feel that I was much more productive.  Last night I got home and showered…and watched TV for the rest of the night.  (What can I say…it was a L&O SVU marathon…best show ever!).  I also worked on J’s sock.  This thing is going to be INSANELY warm (as in…I was testing the stretchiness of the sock…and my hands got warm just sticking inside it)…so…we’ll see if she really wants those cashmere socks after she gets them.  I also changed the pattern I was using and managed to get the yarn to not look as ugly.  Yay me!  Now I almost think they’re pretty. 

I’m also starting the sock plan today!  So yay sock plan! 

Anyways, I don’t really have any fun new news to share with you today…so I’m going to go do what I do best…and that’s be really lame! 

So…I have realized my problem.  As Tessie says…I have a major case of the Fuck-Its going on. 

I just can’t seem to bring myself to care about anything right now.  Knitting…eh…whatever.  I’m happy if I do it…I’m also happy when I ignore it.  Running…eh…the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I don’t want to look like a complete asshole during the race.  Not necessarily the best motivation.  But I suppose there could be worse.  Work…don’t even get me started there.  Yeah.  seriously.  It’s all just one big Fuck-It.

But seriously, how much does this feeling suck?  I want to LIKE things again.  I want to be excited about doing stuff.  Even hi-liting my running/training day after I’ve finished it doesn’t seem to excite me as much anymore (um…I’m slightly frightened that it ever did) but you know what I mean.  I just feel so apathetic about everything.  It needs to stop.  And it’s not that I’m UNHAPPY or anything…I’m really not.  I’m just not HAPPY about anything either.  I’m so not used to feeling this way.  I’m always happy.  Seriously.  I am one of those irritating people that could just tell myself to be happy…and I WOULD BE.  It’s just not working for some reason right now.  Argh. 

But…I will attempt to talk about something happy. 

Today is a super easy running day.  I only have to run 2.5 miles…that’s it!  I can totally do that!  And yesterday, I decided to do the circuit training thing…and yeah…it totally kicked my ass.  I’m so weak when it comes to shit like that.  Irritating as hell!  However, my burpees (um…I don’t do the crazy ones with the rings at the end or anything) are becoming works of art :-P  My mountain climbers still suck ass (my butt comes up too high)…but that’s ok.  I work on one thing at a time. :-P  I feel like I accomplished something else as well…but I can’t remember what.  So obviously it was not important

I had a free lunch today.  It came with pickle slices and fresh baked cookies.  They were both yummy.  I like free lunches. 

I arrived at work today around 6:45ish.  I really want to leave now (it’s 3:22) but I feel that would probably be frowned upon even if I DID already put in 8 hours today.  (yeah…I don’t really see how this is happy…but it was a random thought that needed to be mentioned). 

FOUR seperate people have yelled at me for not telling them about T.  Whatever.  I TOLD YOU I don’t like to talk about things that are important.  I like to hold things inside and let them fester.  It’s where they belong! 

Um…yeah…I think that’s about it.  Not much else to share.  :-) 

Hi Monday.  You suck.

I had a pretty good weekend.  I enjoyed the concert (what part of it I actually saw at least).  I enjoyed the company.  I didn’t enjoy the stalled car in the tunnel backing up traffic for a couple of hours, but….  I did manage to finish the sock I had brought with me…so…traffic knitting is fine with me.  I was able to wake up Sunday after the concert and actually go running in the morning.  And it was actually a good comfortable run.  All in all…I enjoyed the weekend.  I just wish it was longer.

Today has been really draining so far…however, it has gone by INSANELY fast.  I keep seeing T everywhere I go (T is the guy from point A in the link).  Literally, I’ll walk down the steps as he’s on his way up.  Then, I’m coming up as he’s going down again.  Or I go to the store and he’s walking out of the elevator as I’m passing it.  It’s just awkward.  Even though I know it wasn’t working, I still really like him and I don’t really know how to act around him.  We’re both trying so hard to act normally…that we just end up acting stupid and un-normal.  I just feel socially awkward and stupid when I see him.  Even worse, nothing really bad caused the break-up so it’s not even like I can take refuge in hating him.  It was all just really bad timing on our part with other factors thrown in there.  So…it’s actually worse than if he was a jerk. 

R was really sweet and came up this weekend and stayed at the apt. and watched Oscar for me.  She also left me a sweet gift and it totally made my night last night.  Thank you for both! 

I’ve just been in a major funk lately…and I really need to get out of it.  I was hoping a weekend away would help…but apparently not.  So…what do you do when you’re upset/unhappy/in a funk?  Because I’m not a fan of being unhappy.  I like being happy and not caring about stupid things.  Normally, I can just will myself to be happy…and it actually works.  But not yet apparently.  So…obviously something needs to give right? 

OK…so I will be posting for the THIRD time today.  Because seriously…how can you NOT post these super duper adorable pictures! 

                                                            J and H together.  Cutest nephews ever!  

   

                                                           J has gotten so big!  But still super cute!!

Ok…so do you remember my anger at rude people that don’t turn off their electrical devices?  Well…I’m not the ONLY ONE!!!  Seriously…it’s just obnoxious!