I think I’ll remember my own LIFE

I had a TERRIBLE run y esterday.  And by terrible I mean worst run I’ve had in a really long time…and it sucked big time.  Even weirder…it was the most amazing weather and I totally should have had a great run!  Sigh. 

Hopefully today’s gym visit will be better. 

I also watched that weird show I didn’t know I was pregnant (or whatever it’s called).  Seriously.  The lady was pregnant and had her baby in a freaking TOILET (thought she was just having a REALLY BIG bowel movement!).  So freaking weird.

Then her family kept saying how she was acting really weird the past few months with irrational mood swings and crying for no reason.  They kept saying, I thought she was just depressed and getting fat.  So awesome. 

Most bizarre show ever!!!!

Seriously.  You have to watch it.  It was so weird. 

Anways, work has been super busy which totally sucks…I had to work on Saturday…and had a really creepy time with the contractor…but I don’t even want to get into it.  But let’s just say I’m still flypaper for freaks…and I really need to work on attracting the NORMAL people. 

I have a doctors appointment on Friday so I was going to be coming to work late anyway, but my manager just told me to take off this Friday to make up for Saturday.   And then I have off  next Friday to go see Springsteen (Yay Springsteen!) with my dad and sisters.  Super excited!

Anyways, have a fantastic week!

How much of yourself is identified by what you look like? 

Like most people, I have my moments of complete self-esteem melt down where I feel like the ugliest person in the world and nobody will ever like me unless I lose a bunch of weight and start looking like someone else.  These moments tend to pass quickly and in general, I like myself. 

I think I’m a good person, I’m cute (maybe not the most gorgeous person out there, but I get enough attention from the opposite sex and I’m not exactly Quasimodo or anything), and I do what I can to stay healthy.  So while I may not have the best body, I work at having the best body that I can for myself. 

I also find that I have a lot more empathy for other people’s physical problems and I try not to identify other people as what they look like.  I don’t look at an overweight person and think they obviously are lazy and unhealthy and should do something with themselves. 

A lot of my friends make degrading comments about other people’s weight and other physical appearances and I get so mad.  I hate hearing people say, “wow, she’s so fat…how does SHE have a boyfriend and I don’t”, or “wow did you see that cow over there?  She should get her ass off that motor scooter and try walking around once in a while”. 

It’s amazing what people will say about people’s weight and not think they are being rude, disrepectful, and even downright nasty.  And it’s amazing how many people truly think that what someone looks like is going to determine what type of person they are. 

So, I always want to say…maybe you’d have a boyfriend if you weren’t such a bitch and always talking trash about people you don’t know.  Or, how the hell do you know that a person is lazy.  Maybe there is something truly physically wrong with that person and that’s why she’s on the motor-scooter.  Maybe she wishes she COULD get up and walk around. 

I even find myself getting defensive at times when I see people looking at me funny when I’m running, or making nasty comments suggesting that I should have started running sooner and I wouldn’t be overweight.   Even worse, when people I know compare me to my sister and want to know how upset I am that she’s so much skinnier than me.   I want to explain, yeah, I’m bigger.  I have a medical condition that makes it hard to lose weight, but I’m trying.  Stop mocking my efforts.  Then I get mad at myself for feeling like I’m lacking something as a person and even feeling the need to defend myself against assholes like that. 

Today has been exceptionally bad.  I don’t know why people feel like it’s ok to degrade people.  I’ve heard so many people talking about someone I work with who is a little overweight.  She had been working out a lot lately and trying to lose weight, but she’s also going through a very stressful time right now, and she’s struggling trying to keep up with that.  And they keep talking about how lazy she’s being and how she’s almost a waste of space.

Excuse me??  Who are you and what the hell is wrong with you!!!! 

Argh.  I can’t even begin to discuss the rage and sadness I feel when I hear people talking like this.  It just upsets me to no end. 

So, instead, I’m focusing on my 5 mile run I have planned for after work and I am SO looking forward to it!

There is a 10 mile next weekend that I really wanted to partake in (hehe I said partake).  I wanted to use it as a training run for the half marathon coming up in November, but I just don’t think I’m going to be ready for it. 

I did an 8.5 (almost nine) mile run last night and my legs felt drained.  My right calf was actually cramping while I was running.  Granted, I did a trail run so it was a little more difficult (aka hillier and a lot more debris to dodge), but I still don’t think I’m ready for a 10 mile race next week.   Especially a 10 mile run that crosses the Nickle Bridge with a KILLER hill.  Right in the middle of the race.

It totally sucks. 

But, I decided that I love racing in Richmond, and I love how supportive the volunteers are, and I keep saying I’m going to volunteer at a race.  So, rather than running the 10 miles…I will be volunteering at the race instead.  I have to be there at the ungodly hour of 5:00AM, but whatever.  I think it will be an interesting experience and at least I’ll get to participate in the race in some way.

I’m also still torn if I’m going to run the half marathon in November, or if I’m going to downgrade to the 8k.  The time cut off for the half marathon is 3:30.  Which is pretty much right around the time I would probably finish.  But it would be close.  If I had a terrible racing day…I might not make the cut off.  And that would just piss me off big time. 

So I’m torn. 

Suggestions anyone??

So, I would like to start off the week with…WTF Eagles???  Really?  It’s bad enough we had to use Kolb as our quarterback (um yeah…hi…still not a fan of you!), but did our defense have to fail us as well????  I give a big BOO Eagles! 

Moving on. 

We had our program’s symposium on Thursday and Friday of last week which is always fun.  Thursday consisted of the normal “leadership discussions” from random people that are directors and higher in the company.  We get to hear all about their life decisions and such.  Most of them aren’t awful.  And we get free coffee, what more could I ask for. 

Then that afternoon our Sr. VP came and gave a quick discussion about how awesome we are, and nobody in the company wants to wait five years for us to be “done” (kind of like a turkey).  So…they shortened the program.  What used to be a 5 1/2 year program is now only 4 years.  But the sucky thing is originally we came out of the program as a grade 11 (woohoo grade 11!), whereas now we are only going to be grade 10 (Thus saving the program A LOT of money…which I feel is probably the real driving force). 

But what that means for me, is that I only have two more rotations (that’s including the one I’m in now) left before I get placed in a “permanent” position (nothing is ever really permanent here) and I get to request where I would like to go (um, I get to request…doesn’t mean I’ll actually get it).   So, obviously request will be to move to the location closer to New Jersey.  How much would that rock?  Crossing my fingers now…

Friday was then spent at a satellite location.  Apparently one of our processing plants has a rock climbing wall and a bunch of high wires set up on the property (I never knew that…that’s so weird).  Obviously our team building activity was climbing the wall and doing the wires. 

The wall was kind of hard.  If it had been a normal wall, I would have had no problem, but we were tethered together with two other people and we couldn’t really move around the wall finding the best foot and hand holds…instead you were kind of stuck in your general area of the wall.  For example, I was able to use the left two feet of the wall, and that was about it.  You also couldn’t climb ahead of people.  You were able to maybe climb up one level before waiting for everyone else to catch up.  Which was weird. 

Obviously I didn’t want to be the one to cause us all to fail reaching the top, so I ignored my fear of heights and went all the way to the top.  Going up, not so bad.  I didn’t really even notice how high we were…until we reached the top and we turned around to look out and I wanted to cry.  Then we had to trust the three people holding the rope at the bottom and lean all the way back and rapel down the wall.  That was probably the hardest part since I don’t really know the people who were holding me.  Freaked me out abit. 

After the wall we did the high wire which was actually super fun.  It was like tight rope walking…but more fun.  Then at the end we just jumped off and got slowly lowered down by the people holding the ropes at the bottom.  It was seriously really fun.  And I didn’t even notice how high we were on that one. 

All in all…a good symposium. 

The weekend was pretty much laid back.  I can’t remember what I did Friday night (apparently it was a good time had by all?), but Saturday night was C and B’s wedding reception/party (they had a private ceremony in Jamaica and then had the party when they came back), and K’s birthday.  So I had a good time with that.  Best of all…no repeats of last year…and everyone made it THE ENTIRE NIGHT!

I was supposed to go to my employee appreciation day at King’s Dominion yesterday…but everyone I was going to go with was too hungover from Saturday…so I ended up staying in all day watching football (again…WTF Eagles??) which honestly was probably more fun that KD anyways.

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!  And have a great week!

I’m so disappointed.  I’m wearing the coolest shirt ever, but nobody is commenting on it!!!  (Thanks J!)

Seriously.  How much cooler can you get than a shirt that says “I choo-choo-choose you!”.  It’s funny because it has a train! 

Ok, no really, it’s funny b/c it’s awesome and I’m so disappointed that NOBODY gets it. 

I also have a super cool sweatshirt I wore the other day with a covered wagon that says, “you have died of dysentary” and seriously NOBODY has ANY idea what it means.  Are you kidding me???  That was like, the best game EVER!

Are the people in the south retarded????  These are the best shirts ever!!!!!  Sigh.

Anyways, I had a good time at work today.  I got to spend the last 4 hours of the day searching P&IDs and reviewing valve designs.  I felt like an engineer again! Yay me! 

Then I actually worked out AGAIN today (oh my god my arms are so weak from not lifting the past two weeks), but now I have to do my long run tomorrow.  How much does that suck?  Sigh. 

Happy hump day!

For the last year, I’ve had to wear a radio (walkie talkie type radio) clipped on my shoulder so I could talk to all the other FLL in the factory and other people like that.  In this position I have no need for a radio…but I randomly have been hearing phantom radio messages ALL day for the past few days.  It’s kind of like phantom limb syndrome…but a lot more odd…and way more annoying.

Even more annoying, it sounds like my radio when it was turned down too low and I couldn’t really hear what anyone was saying, it’s just loud enough to know that something is being said.  Seriously, all day I’m looking over my shoulder thinking there is someone there.  Or I reach down to turn up the radio b/c it’s not quite loud enough to hear what they’re saying…and I realize there is NO radio.  It’s making me feel like I’m hearing voices in my head.  I’m so not a fan.

However, on a positive note…I no longer have to be at work at 6:30 in the morning…now I can show up at 7:30.  Which means I get an extra hour of sleep…AND…I don’t have to be up at the butt crack of dawn anymores!  Woohoo! 

And…I’ve done all my workout so far the week (yeah…all two…but whatever), both my fantasy team (AND the Eagles!) won!!!  Unfortunately, the love of my life broke his wrist.  Sigh.  Poor Brian Urlacher!  I ♥ you!  Even if you are a hot broken mess (that is potentially my fault as J felt the need to tell me)…so call me! 

Anyways, long week this week…so hope you have a good one!

RIP Patrick Swayze

http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/

Friday was my last day as a Front Line Leader in the MC.  While it was nowhere near as awful a position as people in the company make it out to be…I have no desire to ever do it again. 

However, the people in the bay that I worked in are absolutely AMAZING and I’m really going to miss working with them on a daily basis.  These people are some of the most generous, kind, and most fantastic people I’ve ever met.

They had a going away party for me on Friday at work and I still can’t get over how great these people are.  They all contributed their own money to have the party, and everybody seemed genuinely sad to see me go (even though I’m not even going that far…just to the opposite side of the building).  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so liked. 

So, while I’m super excited to start a new rotation, I’m definitely going to miss the people from my last rotation. 

On a totally different note…I’ve been major slacker when it comes to working out past two weeks.  Not good.  I didn’t manage to do my 8 mile run this week, I only managed to do two 4.5 mile runs and I didn’t even go to the gym AT ALL.  Sigh. 

So, I need to re-work my training schedule for this week and actually, you know…DO IT. 

Here’s my plan so far:

Monday: Run 5 miles (.5 mile intervals)

Tuesday: short lifting

Wednesday: long lifting

Thursday: Run 9 miles (um…anywhere from 8-9 miles will be acceptable)

Friday: short lifting

So, guess we’ll see how that goes. 

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

Argh today has not been a good day so far. 

Apparently the lady I made cry a few weeks ago now HATES me and no matter WHAT I do/say/whatever, she tells everyone I yelled at her again.  And keeps telling people what a bitch I am.  WTF????

Seriously.  All I did was tell her that she went to the wrong meeting and starting next week she should go to the new meeting.  Apparently this is me “chewing her out” and screaming at her.  I’m so not a fan.  And I’m so ready to move on to my new position. 

Then I got annoyed at a bunch of people in the bay for being lame.  But whatever.  I’m over it.

After work I went to the gym and talk about epic fail.  I was supposed to run 8 miles.  Right.  Fail.  Try 4.5 miles.  Super sucky.  So now I have to run 8 miles on Friday after work.  Seriously.  Super super sucky. 

Anyways, peace out.  Have a great week!